Fear

So I can't believe it has been this long since I have posted anything! Man I am a slacker! I want to talk about something that has been on my mind a lot lately and that is fear. Fear is a funny dangerous thing. We fear so many things like animals, pitch dark, being alone, or as my beautiful wife fears, little bugs. I think the fear that has haunted me the most and continues to haunt me is, the fear of not knowing.

Not knowing for me is horrible. I am the type of person who wants to know everything before it happens. I want to be in control of it all, because in some aspect it makes me feel better because then I have nothing to "fear". My father's health for the past year has not been good, he seems to be continually in and out of the hospital, and the worst part about it is I cannot control any of it. His health is out of my hands and is even out of the doctors hands. Our being and our existence rests solely in the hands of Jesus. He is the one who controls, heals, and takes care of us. I have no control over anything. Those times that I feel like I have control or I force things to happen, are the times when things usually fall through. Psalm 46 talks about God being our refuge and strength and help when we are in trouble. It says "Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way..." I am trying to rest in His promise.

Fear has revealed my heart and where my faith really lies at times, which is in myself wanting to know, wanting to control. My heart is wicked, and doubtful at times, but thanks be to Jesus who restores and saves and loves me.

Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for relying on myself and not trusting. Help me God, you are my only hope, you are the only one who gives life, and heals and rescues us.

Amen